Michelle Trachtenberg & Emmy Rossum: We look awesome. Our outfits look awesome and our makeup is awesome. Wow vacation in Hawaii is awesome. They even have tranny entertainers standing around to talk to us! Are those boobs real? Can we touch? You really do look like a woman!

Kim Kardashian: Aloha! Here hun feel my Hawaiian boobs, fffaaabbbulicious right? Come let’s have our photo taken… yes look this way…Ok talk to that lady over there and you can buy this photo for 20 bucks. Enjoy Hawaii!

photo from I Heart Kim

Hi Kim Kardashian, your boobs are staring at me and so are your fake eyelashes and uber-peachy cheeks. That doesn’t bother me though, ‘cuz FacePanda loves all the attention it can get. We are just writing to tell you something important – your hair, uh, is kinda coming off your sculp in a freaky X-Men Mutanty way. We aren’t saying we won’t love you for who you are – I guess we have all learnt to do that – it’s just that it looks somewhat unpleasant. And did I mention that it also looks a little X-Men Mutanty??

photo from Kim Kardashian Web

The Kim Kardashain’s way finish up picture perfect makeup: adding a clump of hair onto your hairline so that people would never suspect that you are going bald.

photo from Kim Kardashian Web

We take it for granted when Kim Kardashian shows her face on TV like this:

By “this” I mean having an inch of bronzer on her face, with fake eyelashes and so much dark eyeshadow that she looks tired just keeping her eyes open. Looking at her makes me wonder if she actually takes her eye out every night before she heads to bed, and then draws them back on in the morning. Maybe she does, I will be freaked out but not surprised.

But I was pleasantly surprised by how cleaned up… actually, how classy, she could look. Check this out:

Doesn’t she look nice? She is still heavy on her eye makeup (I mean, those lashes are very possibly implants so she probably can’t help it), but I absolutely love the peach blush and the nude lipstick. Let’s look closer:

She does look a tad older than she really is, but her makeup, with the hat and the diamond studs, actually makes her look classy. And almost, gosh, almost, makes me forget that she achieved her fame by showing us all her butt.

photos from Kim Kardashian Web